One of the strong medicines in the healing method of Family Constellations is the valuation of acceptance of all that has happened in our lives, over the practice of forgiveness of another. Before I came to this work I had more understanding of forgiveness than of acceptance, both at the cosmic level through the sacrament of confession in the Catholic Church and the forgiveness of sins, and through my socialization which impressed upon me the necessity to do what it takes to eventually forgive another who has hurt me. When younger, I felt that the compulsion to bestow forgiveness came from a place of superiority, and the vague sense that I would prevail as a better person than the bully who insulted me if I didn’t hold a grudge against him. I would rise above his unworthy level. It’s clear to me now there was a twisted sense of revenge...

I recently traveled with Kelly Lyn, Wilma Pollard, and Amy Jackson to Montgomery, Alabama for the opening of the Equal Justice Initiative's National Memorial for Peace and Justice, the first site in the United States dedicated to remembering the thousands of African-Americans killed by lynching between 1877-1950, and all those terrorized by the practice. As we see in our healing work, those who are lost from the family without proper grieving and honoring leave an influence on the descendants. Sometimes a descendant unknowingly takes on symptoms of illness or depression as an unconscious attempt to restore the one who was suddenly or traumatically taken back into the family's awareness, even several generations later. In any system, balance and harmony is disrupted until all elements are given their place. A family system is no different. This trauma is held by all of us collectively in the U.S. on the systemic level, and as citizens we have an obligation to raise our awareness of how the unresolved energies of slavery, racism and lynching affect us all and keep us entangled in history. Regardless of your family's participation in slavery, or when your ancestors migrated to the U.S., you share the same responsibility...

When you’re still and alone and let yourself listen inwardly, what is the first image that arises in association with the word: “money?” And the next, and the next…? I was talking with a friend about the energies of finances, and she remembered her father sometimes expressing exasperation when comparing his level of success in the world to that of his brother. He would shake his head and say, in reference to the family he had created, “What is it with us?” When my friend spoke those words, I could feel the frustration, hopelessness, and resignation that he had felt come through her fully alive. The emotional charge on those words was still strong. She wondered if somewhere in her own consciousness, that energy was still with her. For many of us, when we were children our fathers were our first models for going out from the protected space of the family system, and for interacting with the world. This is not to say that women do not go into the world to interact and provide for their families; it is an acknowledgement of a deep imprint in social consciousness. This imprint is being challenged and is changing,...

My sun sign is in Cancer, which has given me a sensitive attunement to the energies of family and community. In this lifetime, the positive expression of group cohesion, creative expression and serving a community first budded for me when I began playing music in rock and roll bands in Detroit, and bloomed in a much fuller way when the music of West African drumming found me in the spring of 1992 at a dance class with the Uhuru Dancers in Decatur, Georgia. The exchange of joy and celebration between drummers and dancers set my life on a completely new and energized path that I still walk today. It wasn’t until later, when I began to study the drumming in depth, that I learned how to be informed by the ancestral lineage through which the music, culture and history passes over centuries. Thank you Brother Yusef, Stone, Mohamed Diaby, and dozens of other teachers for including me. I’m also aligned with the ideals of equality, freedom and opportunity embodied in the ideals of the U.S. Constitution, and understand the responsibilities we all have as citizens to hold those in power accountable to manifesting those ideals to the best of...

An Elder Blessing I’ve just returned from a three-week trip to Guinea, West Africa with one of my teachers and good friends, Mohamed DaCosta. Mohamed got married over what was Christmas holiday weekend for Christians, although it’s not much celebrated in Guinea as it’s predominantly a Muslim country. There were three days of ceremonies, gatherings and celebrations for the wedding, with all the family members very involved in the planning and preparations. I was able to attend most of the events with some other American friends who were on the trip, and we were always given prime seating at the very front of each gathering. There was a party called a sabar that was just for the women; there was a religious ceremony in the bride’s family courtyard; there was a short legal ceremony with a lot of humor in a really hot government hall; and there was an enormous traditional ceremony in a big park with hundreds of people, lots of food, a band and a famous praise-singer. It was all exciting, colorful, and joyous. During the religious ceremony there were praise singers, drummers, and a DJ all performing. There was a period of time when...

KELLY: “The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists, who are dedicated to justice, peace, and brotherhood. The trailblazers in human, academic, scientific, and religious freedom have always been nonconformists. In any cause that concerns the progress of mankind, put your faith in the nonconformist!” -Martin Luther King, Jr., civil-rights leader (15 Jan 1929-1968) CHUCK: "We are coworkers with God, trying to bring about the kingdom of brotherly love and peace. If He sees fit to use us, we must accept His will, knowing that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. From this belief, I gain consolation and the faith to continue. I believe very strongly that a person must dedicate himself to what he believes. When you decide to give yourself to a great cause, you must arrive at the point where no sacrifice is too great. This is the first demand that is made of us in our great struggle for civil rights." Mrs. Coretta Scott King, quoted in New Lady Magazine, 1966 Write up of Constellation for Healing Gun Violence - Monday Jan 18, 2016 King Day Attending: Chuck, Kelly, Rose, Barbara, Lea, Colleen, Lisa We began with the quotes above, and then followed our agenda. We acknowledged all the other cities across US who were participating (more-or-less) simultaneously. We also reminded everyone of the potentially intense nature of the energies we would be invoking, and we were trusting them with their own responsibility...

Regardless of the stories you carry about your family- what happened in the family history, how you feel you were recognized, treated and supported in your likes and dislikes as well as your talents and longings, and how you feel currently about the state of the relationships you have with all your family members- there is a simple practice that can help shift the way you carry your family in your heart, and bring you peace and resolution. It is the recognition that of all your gifts, the greatest you were ever given was life, and to acknowledge this gift with a bow. You are the literal product of the lives of your parents and all your ancestors. Through their struggles and successes, through their traumas and delights, through all their experiences, life flowed through them and came to you. They lived so...

Three Levels of Healing In the practice of Family Constellations, there are a number of levels of consciousness to move through in order to reach the deepest healing at the level of the soul. The three levels are called Acknowledge, Accept and Agree. When a person begins presenting the issue for which they need peace and resolution, they will likely begin in either the mental or emotional level, or a mixture of the two. The mental level is the facts of the personal and family story- what has happened, and what is known to be true. It is best to stay with the facts without going into speculation, opinions or judgment, because that leads to cycling in the story without opening a possibility for change. What is already known and has been experienced is from the past, and healing- replacing the current limiting image carried in the unconscious mind with something healthier- can only take place in the present moment. Acknowledging the truth takes the form of simple statements: You are my father. I am your older sister. You died when I was 18. Stating and facing what is true allows for deeper connection to the body...