After our relationship with our parents, the connections we have with our brothers and sisters are among the most formative and significant in our lives.  It is with our siblings that we traveled to life through the same portal that was created through the union of our mother and father. In the case of twins or triplets, that journey happened at the same time.  With our other siblings, it’s likely that the life situations and interpersonal dynamics between our parents were similar over various birth years. At the same time, our siblings carry their own soul programmings and individual lessons they came to life to study which may be very different from our own.  Navigating those differences as we grow, mature, and develop our own adult power while building on the same shared early foundations of inherited family loyalties and values is challenging for all of us.

Our siblings were likely our first friends, playmates and peers- the first people close to our same size and abilities that we knew in life.  We learned about sharing, consequences and rewards, satisfying needs for attention, interpersonal relationships, jealousies, belonging, acceptance and rejection, and how bodies change through our sibling connections, all in the environment of the parenting styles with which our father and mother were equipped.  As adolescents and young adults we entered at different times and observed how our older siblings met the worlds of education, friendships, accomplishments, attraction and dating, work, and potentially marriage- all spheres of experience which include people from outside the family system.

It’s extremely valuable to consider the quality of your relationships with all your siblings.  Are they loving, warm, neutral, indifferent, tense, hostile? Are there unresolved issues which you carry which could be cleaned up?  Do you wish you were more respected by one or more of your siblings, and if so have you evaluated how much you respect your sibling’s choices in life?  If you and your siblings have children, the dynamics of your sibling relationships will be a model for all of the cousins. We have seen in many constellations that unresolved issues between brothers and sisters can be carried by one or more of their children, who will unconsciously carry the tension in their own sibling relationships.

There is a full child’s love that we all carried and shared when we came to life.  Is it still something you experience, or is it hidden beneath layers? Exploring your sibling relationships in a constellation will not change anything that has happened in the past, but it can give you a more complete picture of your siblings and their place in your family, and perhaps help you open your heart and have compassion for what each of you agreed to carry for the family lineage, out of innocent love and loyalty.  Transmuting that unconscious innocence to adult understanding can give you more strength and peace of mind, and help you feel even more connected to your family of origin and all your ancestors.