KELLY: “The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists, who are dedicated to justice, peace, and brotherhood. The trailblazers in human, academic, scientific, and religious freedom have always been nonconformists. In any cause that concerns the progress of mankind, put your faith in the nonconformist!” -Martin Luther King, Jr., civil-rights leader (15 Jan 1929-1968)
CHUCK: "We are coworkers with God, trying to bring about the kingdom of brotherly love and peace. If He sees fit to use us, we must accept His will, knowing that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. From this belief, I gain consolation and the faith to continue. I believe very strongly that a person must dedicate himself to what he believes. When you decide to give yourself to a great cause, you must arrive at the point where no sacrifice is too great. This is the first demand that is made of us in our great struggle for civil rights." Mrs. Coretta Scott King, quoted in New Lady Magazine, 1966
Write up of Constellation for Healing Gun Violence - Monday Jan 18, 2016 King Day
Attending: Chuck, Kelly, Rose, Barbara, Lea, Colleen, Lisa
We began with the quotes above, and then followed our agenda. We acknowledged all the other cities across US who were participating (more-or-less) simultaneously. We also reminded everyone of the potentially intense nature of the energies we would be invoking, and we were trusting them with their own responsibility for self-care, and what to do (ask for help) if triggered or overwhelmed.
After sharing about the experiential nature of this type of Constellation, we passed around the researched list of names of those affected by gun violence from nine different categories [suicides, accidents, domestic violence, mass shootings, civilians shot by police, police shot on duty, drug violence, school shootings, and perpetrators] for participants to read. Chuck spontaneously began saying ‘Everyone has a place’ after each category was completed. The energy became more dense and heavy, pressing down. One p mentioned ‘it’s endless.’ One p spontaneously recalled a suppressed memory of being held up at her place of work many years ago- and had not thought of it since then. She went pretty visibly into the memory and trauma while maintaining connection to the present. We gave her space and support and then she was ready to go on. After Chuck read the mass shootings category, he began to disassociate a bit and forgot to say ‘Everyone has a place’- after waiting a bit, someone else stepped in to say it.
After completing the reading of categories and names, we moved into asking the group to suggest who and what needed to be in the Constellation. Without any guidance on our part, the first six named were child victim, their parents, child perpetrator and their parents. Then ensued an open discussion which generated many more qualities and energies that were part of the issue. Most of them became formulated as awarenesses that were lacking that led to the needs for guns and violence. The list:
Ignorance, Lack of Education, Lack of Respect
Refusal to feel one’s own pain
Violence toward one’s true self/beingness/Divine nature
Fear
Gun as Defense against Fear
Suppressed Rage
Love
Depression
Manifest Destiny
2nd Amendment
Property Rights over Human Rights
Warrior Archetype
Profitable Business of Illusion (this was a collective phrase for many forms of media that incite fear)
Chuck began to feel that the level of despair in the group kept increasing and the heaviness had the potential to become too much. Resources were needed to help us continue to navigate in the deep waters. Rose mentioned that there was a quality of balance that she felt she needed for herself, around balance and connection to divine. Chuck offered a possibility: that each person evoke a quality or strength that they desire for themselves in the context of being with the existence of gun violence in our world. Then each person was invited to stand, hold a mat, say what quality the mat would represent, and place it on the floor- then step onto the mat and into that energy.
Each person named and placed their mats at same time. Some of the qualities: self-worth, self-trust, a balance of the horizontal and vertical planes, benevolent masculine energy, etc. Once all were done and re-seated, the bell was rung. Chuck looked at the remaining time and consulted with Kelly- it was decided that rather than share about the mat experience, the mats would be placed outside the circle as resources, and the Constellation would begin with the six core representatives named first on the list.
Chuck asked for representatives for each in order and a person stood for each. Victim- Lisa; Victim’s father- Colleen; Victim’s mother- Rose; Perpetrator- Lea; Perpetrator’s father- Barbara Perpetrator’s mother- Kelly
Chuck went to each in the order above, touched them on the shoulder, named them, and asked them to find their place. Victim and parents were in fairly tight cluster toward one edge of circle. Father protectively stood in front of v, mother behind. Perp was to other side of circle facing out of circle. P’s father far to edge, P’s mother kind of torn in middle between her child and husband.
Facilitation began by checking in with each one- it took a long time. There was a real schism between parents of perp. Had been there long time. Father was pretty checked out, barely wanted to look, was in denial any of it having anything to do with him. Mother was distressed about being between. Perp was enraged, mostly at parents, mentioned how the anger needed to come out, gestured generally toward the victim family cluster about releasing it. Victim was very bothered by father too close and protective, only wanted to feel mother’s body against her back. Was curious about perp. In perp family, mother first made her movements toward child as only hope, and kind of gave up about husband. Later I suggested to p’s father that it would be hard, but invited him to consider slowly moving behind his child. At some point perp turned to start looking at v and family.
Worked with parents of V. Got them to look at each other, admit how much they had withdrawn from each other, both since the tragedy and also before. This helped V as well as the parents of P. P admitted feeling like ‘I am an island- and there’s an ocean of grief between us’ to mother. I had mother say ‘and you are still my child.’ This helped the two of them. Eventually invited more movements, which resulted in P and V at some distance but looking at each other, parents behind each. V said she felt like a teenager when I asked what age she was. She suddenly admitted she felt like she had some responsibility for what had happened in the tragedy. Said most of the way through she wasn’t angry, more curious (I think) With time growing short I acknowledged how much movement had happened for all of them, and if there was one more movement they should consider it now. Both sides reached out to each other, formed a circle, all held hands. Some began to say “I’m sorry” Perhaps P was first. V’s mother (as an experienced facilitator) redirected with ‘I take responsibility for my part in this.’ P said same, everyone in turn said same and it felt genuine and from the heart. I asked V say to both parents in turn, ‘I respect whatever way you need to grieve’ as V was exhibiting needs for parents to support her, and directing parents in how to hold hands in a way that was comforting for V. The closing was extremely powerful and heartfelt. Much movement, understanding and opening was created within all the representatives. I was left with a sense of hope that no matter how deep and painful the act that is perpetrated, there is always the possibility of movement, insight and more understanding.
Notes from the rep for the Perpetrator:
There was a moment at the end when we were debriefing where Rose used the word “pawns.” At that instant, I felt the presence of greater forces and how the scenario we embodied was like a game of chess and we had been positioned by those forces. There were a few moments where, for me, I felt energies begin to shift. Victim’s mother wanted Victim’s father to move out of the way. She wanted to “see” (understand) what had happened. Perpetrator (my position) made the choice to “see” what I had done. Victim’s mother looked me fully in the eyes. She was willing to “see” everything that was there. That openness -- and there didn’t feel like any judgement was attached, just a need to understand -- began a healing in me where I could again “see” and “hear” ‘my mother.’ My sense was that though we had been positioned by those greater forces, our choices while in the constellation were affecting ‘the bigger picture.’
At one point as the healing dialogue began with ‘my mother’, I experienced myself as a volcanic island in a black sea of grief (it felt like oceans and oceans of grief). I was seeping lava (anger) and the waters separated me from everyone and everything. As mother and I spoke and I could finally look at her, the nature of the water shifted and suddenly became the waters that connect.
The anger dissipated completely when ‘my father’ took his place to the right of me and
looked into my eyes. That was the moment love showed up. Father’s eyes were radiant – I remember feeling awestruck -- there was so much spirit there.
Unlike the adversarial nature of chess, this experience was not about conquest but a ‘coming back into relationship’. For me, looking back on the experience, it was interesting how the disconnection of the father in both families was a problem. Chuck’s decision to ‘step into’ benevolent male at the beginning of the exercise, I felt, carried through the constellation. There was a point where he crossed behind me and the energy of his movement felt like a healing breeze…