Illness, Balance in Family Systems, and Ebola
“Let no one... persuade you to cure the head, until he has first given you his soul to be cured by the charm. For this is the great error of our day in the treatment of the human body, that physicians separate the soul from the body.” -The Dialogues of Plato: Charmides
One of the higher perspectives on illness or dis-ease holds that any disturbance in physical, emotional or spiritual health brings a gift of awareness hidden within it. For example, a fall that leads to a sprained wrist may lead to a sudden change in a person's lifestyle and a slowing down of activities. Sometimes such an unexpected yet necessary reassessment of priorities reminds us of the value of space and reflection in our lives, and of the benefit from filling our soul with what it needs, rather than filling our calendar with appointments.
Medical intuitive Carolyn Myss has said, “Illness can develop as a consequence of behavioral patterns and attitudes that we do not realize are biologically toxic until they have already become so.” Emotions that are held unexpressed, or emotions that move in habitual unbalanced ways may eventually lead to physical illness that shows up in a related organ or part of the body. Anger as a reflexive response may lead to diseases of the liver, stomach or spleen, whereas ongoing anxiety and stress which cause one to chronically hold their breath may result in issues in the lungs. These signs of illness may be signals that lead a person to evaluate how they create relationships, how they satisfy their needs for creativity and a purposeful life, what resentments they may be carrying that need to be released, and to what unconscious responsibilities they are being loyal.
As symptoms of illness can work as signals to something that lies deeper within an individual, so do they serve a purpose in an organization, a group, a nation or a family. When there is an imbalance in the natural orders which serve the flow of love and respect for all members in a family, the fullest measure of well-being that might be present will be restricted. This is one of the most powerful principles of Family Constellations: to see every person not in isolation, but holistically, as part of a larger group, and inextricably woven into the pattern of a family soul. What we have seen many times in this work, both for ourselves and with clients, is how the unconscious loyalty of a child will guide him or her to want to serve the restoration of balance in the family, whether or not they are capable or responsible for doing so.
To give one example: a girl dies in a childhood accident, and a surviving brother feels guilty for living on. The brother may keep himself small in life believing he is honoring the lost child, and may even unconsciously, out of blind love, feel it would have been better if he had died instead. After growing into adulthood it is logical that the family would have found ways to move on, and the loss would have been integrated as part of the past- yet the brother struggles to thrive. By giving the deceased child a respected place through a Constellation with representatives of the whole family, the brother can see that it is not his job alone to heal the wound, but the responsibility of the entire family together to grieve and remember the sister, and always give her a place in their hearts. It is then that the brother might learn that doing something good with his life is the best way to honor his dead sister.
Until it is healed, the brother's depression and failure to succeed will act as signals to the family system that something remains out of balance in the family soul. The disturbance may even act transgenerationally, with a descendant representing a family member who suffered a difficult fate in a previous generation that they never even knew. Each family grieves loss and trauma the best they can with the resources available; there is no right way. Family Constellations gives us the opportunity to consciously acknowledge, accept, and even agree to all the threads of our family soul in order to heal what remains in disorder.
At the soul level, the Ebola virus may be acting as a signal to all humanity that something remains in disorder. Perhaps we need to learn that there is enough available to satisfy all of our needs, and we haven't yet learned to make it the highest priority to share what we have with those who have less. In our beginner-level studies of the Jewish mystical tradition of Kabbalah, we have learned that there is a blessing in everything, and we can't know the divine from the limited level of our human consciousness. It's very hard to think of Ebola holding a blessing for the friends I met in West Africa. It's a horrible affliction and one that creates fear as there is no cure. Treatment resources are extremely limited where it is having the biggest impact. I hope that one of the blessings possible from the outbreak of the virus comes from all of humanity being brought together to learn again that we are all similar as human beings; that we all need good food, clean water, and healthy environments in which to raise children; that we all carry deep soul memories of being both victims and perpetrators; and that by taking these threads of consciousness into our hearts we can transcend the limits of vengeance and justice and bring the cycles of interpersonal, intertribal, and international violence to an end.
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