There’s an old idea that, before incarnation, the soul makes agreements and is seeded with a gift of purpose and direction entirely unique to itself- and then that purpose is forgotten along the journey to conception. In the flash of the union of egg and sperm, cells paradoxically and simultaneously begin to divide and multiply, the ephemeral spark of the divine anchors in the physical dimension, and a human being starts to take on flesh and bone.  The womb-enclosed initial days on the life path start out in tension between the eternal longing that will stay with the individual, and the inescapable limitations of the myriad agreements into which the soul agreed to be born- choices regarding family members and their circumstances, inherited patterns and unresolved material; health and illness; historical era; societal values; location on Earth; and other elements related to the decision to come to life.  

It might be said that this tension lies in the space between destiny and fate.  The word ‘destiny’ comes from the Latin ‘destinare,’ relating to that which establishes and gives one a place to stand.  Whatever secret voice whispers to you throughout life, calling you to trust and follow, is the eternal golden thread of destiny woven into the agreements made before birth.  It may be elusive and seem unattainable at times, and you may distance yourself from it and even turn your back on it.  That which is valuable is always difficult to attain, and the fulfillment of life’s purpose and aim is no exception.  Fortunately, the deeply hidden, inner longing of one’s life never fades, regardless of what happens along the way or how long the call has been avoided.  Of the two kinds of soul agreements made before birth, this one- the destiny- is not negotiable, and never forsakes.

The aspects of life relating to our fate, over which we can have no control, can on the other hand be catalysts that bring the level of discomfort necessary for change.  Fate includes limiting circumstances that may inspire the growth and development of our inner being, direct us to reexamine beliefs and attitudes in order to see with new eyes, and lead to the cultivation of the qualities we will need to reach our destiny.  When young, we form loyalties to the family in many ways.  The ways we please parents, teachers, authority figures and others in order to receive positive attention and favorable feedback can become patterns that bind our soul when our destiny begins to arise and speak to us directly and more loudly, at numerous stages of life.  It is in these crucial times that we may need help from others who have renegotiated their own original soul agreements that seemed for a time immutable.  It’s also possible that the transformation of these agreements can bring about not a distancing, but a surprising and deeper connection and belonging to the family of origin which once seemed impossible.  Renegotiating the agreements can reveal the soul’s greater wisdom and bring the insight that the destiny necessarily had to be threaded into the fabric of this exact family lineage, as part of the bargain to have our life. 

The still, quiet voice in the depths of the soul remains after the distractions of roles, expectations, and unconscious loyalties are seen through and gently put aside.  Disengaging with the identities formed in our early years can be hard work that goes on repeatedly, well into the adult life.  Discerning the unique thread of destiny our soul chose from the messy picture of the family pattern is a kind of alchemy that brings more life force, creativity, understanding, and a deeper sense of peace and belonging through knowing one’s place among the stars.