“Why should families go unchallenged by the reality that comes to them through their children?” -Rachel Cusk, essay entitled ‘The Spy: On seeing without being seen’, Harper’s magazine October 2023
How is it that different family members are impacted very differently by the family wound? How is it that several siblings may appear to thrive in life, while another seems to struggle and may become, in an unspoken way, the identified problem by the rest of the family? What does the different child bring to life to show the family, and how can that sensitive child find the gold in their individual wounding?
These are not easy questions to answer. With the hundreds of people we have worked with we can say that most are sensitive, empathic people who have a deep longing for something to be different, in their own lives, with their place in their family, or both. They may feel more than the average person, although this doesn’t make them any better than other family members. They may be frustrated, impatient, or in despair about how long they have hoped for change. Many times they have unconsciously taken on a family burden which is not their responsibility, and they haven’t yet come to understand, with compassion for themselves, that their efforts to change anyone or anything from the past will be futile.
Because this method provides the opportunity to see the larger picture of your place in your family lineage and the ways each person has taken on a wound, a Constellation can help you as an empathic person to see other family members with new eyes. It may be the case that your family was unable to acknowledge, much less embrace your gifts and your deepest longing for love and understanding. By seeing the struggles other family members agreed to take on by coming to life, you may be able to disentangle from the tender child’s wish that someone in the family had been different when you were young. You can see your family as a collection of related souls. You may be able to have compassion for the challenges other family members had working with and leaving partly unresolved their own wounding. And you may come to understand that by courageously working on your own healing, you are embracing and supporting the unfinished work of others with you in your lineage.
It can be helpful to see in a Constellation that regardless of what happened or how you are understood now, it remains your responsibility to your soul to bring forth from your wound the unique, hidden gold that will be a gift to humanity. This is a gift that only you know until it’s realized. One of the most quoted sayings from the Gnostic gospels of Thomas is number 70: “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” I know this well from my years conforming to what was expected of me by studying engineering and reluctantly beginning a corporate career until my psyche began to break apart. When I stepped away from that path and began following my love of music and drumming, what was within me truly saved me, and I have enjoyed a life of community, celebration and adventure ever since.
Are you curious about the gifts you have yet to bring to the world? Do you sense the residue of limiting beliefs you may have inherited from the family patterning that, at one time in the past, was helpful to protect some people who were hurt? As long as you’re in a body and breathing, there is still time to move into more joy, embody what brings you alive, and bring forth what is within you.