“And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home.” -Wendell Berry One of my favorite visionaries is Michael Meade, who often tells the story of the old woman in the cave who is weaving the most beautiful garment in the world, and the black dog who comes in while she is stirring the pot at the back of the cave and takes the garment in his teeth and shakes and pulls at it until it completely unravels. Meade teaches that the dog and the unraveling are necessary for the ongoing cycles of creation in the world, and that what we need do in times of confusion and despair is take...

I’LL HURT YOU BACK A LITTLE LESS We learned the sad news of the death of Bert Hellinger, the creator of Family Constellations, on September 19th, 2019. While Kelly and I never got the opportunity to study directly with Bert, we will always be grateful to our teachers, Peter and Jamy Faust, for integrating what they learned from him and passing it on in their program they named The Constellation Approach. Peter and Jamy studied directly with Bert for several years in the first cohort of students in the U.S,. and they have trained many facilitators in the ways to heal through the family lineage, working with the numinous energies of the family soul. Through Family Constellations, Bert brought great wisdom gained through his observations working with thousands of individuals and families. He also embodied his life’s many profound experiences, growing up the son of Catholic, resistant parents...

When you are at peace with your parents, there are two powerful openings that occur in your life. First, you’re able to look at your mother and father and accept them just as they are, without judgment, and without wishing they were or had acted any differently. This allows for you to be receptive to the full power of the life force that they passed on to you, with all the conditions to which your soul agreed in order for you to have your life. You can experience all the strength that comes through your ancestral lineage without any dilution. Secondly, when you’re free from any entanglements with your parents’ fates, the choices they made in their marriage and their parenting approaches, you no longer have to use any of your energy in secretly trying to change anything about them or any of the ways that they have acted in life- either...

In the practice of Family Constellations, there is a simple and profound teaching about honoring our former spouses. Rather than use the term “ex-wife” or “ex-husband,” we say “first husband” or "second wife.” It's more respectful, and it acknowledges the truth; that this person had an essential place in our lives before the spouse or partner we are currently with, or to whom we are married now. This simple modification of the commonly used term "ex-" reminds us how important it is to recognize the role our previous partner or spouse played in the growth of our own soul. It was difficult for them, as well, to go through the pain and disappointment of divorce. They held a place for us to learn more about ourselves, and create opportunities to make new and different choices. Furthermore, it helps us accept and take responsibility for the parts we...