In the practice of Family Constellations, there is a simple and profound teaching about honoring our former spouses.  Rather than use the term “ex-wife” or “ex-husband,” we say “first husband” or "second wife.” It's more respectful, and it acknowledges the truth; that this person had an essential place in our lives before the spouse or partner we are currently with, or to whom we are married now. This simple modification of the commonly used term  "ex-" reminds us how important it is to recognize the role our previous partner or spouse played in the growth of our own soul.

It was difficult for them, as well, to go through the pain and disappointment of divorce. They held a place for us to learn more about ourselves, and create opportunities to make new and different choices.  Furthermore, it helps us accept and take responsibility for the parts we played in creating and ending the marriage. This is especially important when there are children shared, as it models more respectful and mature behavior for them.  Your previous spouse will always be the only mother or father your children will have.

If you feel there is anything unresolved with that person, practice acknowledging what is true by bringing them to mind and saying, "You were my first husband."  "You were my first wife." Allow this to let you soften to giving them a good place in your heart, and to remembering the love that was in your relationship.  This is essential to making more of yourself available to your next partner.  This practice can be extended to all the intimate partners you have had.