What Are Family Constellations?

Family Constellations is a healing method that allows us to work with the invisible network of loyalties we inherited from our family lineage. We each received from our parents, in addition to the genetic material of our DNA, unconscious traditions, beliefs and outlooks which were reinforced in our formative years in the environment of our family. These attitudes were created through all the events of our ancestors’ lives: successes and failures, lasting loves and divorces, nurturing homes and disrupted environments, health and illness, early deaths and difficult fates. Our child consciousness believes that our sense of belonging and survival depends on loyalty to these attitudes, while our adult consciousness knows that individuation and maturity require finding the way that is right for us. The tension between these two energies is not always fully resolved.

Working with Family Constellations helps us discern with awareness which streams of consciousness are supporting us to achieve our life’s purpose, and which may be inhibiting the fulfillment of our dreams. There is no judgment in this method. Its power is in the respect it holds for all people, regardless of their story; its beauty is in its holographic perspective, looking at each of us not just as an individual, but as a part of a larger family system. By releasing unconscious burdens for which we are not responsible, we may experience more compassion and understanding, and be free to live the unique life for which our soul incarnated. This can help us see, with new eyes, all of our family members and allow us to hold them in our heart in a good way.

Family Constellations Principles

There are numerous principles discovered and developed by Bert Hellinger in the practice of Family Constellations, relating to balance, equality and respect. A few of them are summarized here.

Belonging- Everyone belongs, and everyone has a place in the family. It is respectful, and honors the entire family when each person is included in a good way. Regardless of someone’s previous actions and behaviors or their state of health, they still belong to the family. When someone is excluded, forgotten, or cast out, it creates an imbalance in the family soul that needs correcting. The potential consequences are that, out of blind, unconscious love and loyalty, someone in a future generation will try to correct the imbalance. They may feel sad, experience depression, or feel like they never fit in. In the perspective of the overall family system, this younger person has agreed on a soul level to carry a burden that doesn’t belong to them, to bring to the attention of the rest of the family that something from the past remains in need of recognition and healing.

Orders of Love- There is an invisible order that, when recognized, helps love to flow throughout the family; and when this order is not honored, it can create difficulty in relationships. The source of life is seen as coming from the divine, through the ancestors to the birth father and birth mother, and then to the children in their birth order. The oldest child, regardless of their life circumstances, is simply acknowledged as having come first with the others following that lead. The same is acknowledged for spouses, and a previous spouse must be honored for having made way for a later spouse to be part of the family. This is especially important to recognize when there are children in a family which a new spouse joins; the previous spouse will always be the only mother or father of those children. These simple acts of honoring also help love to flow naturally and fully in the family.

Fate and Destiny- In Family Constellations, fate is looked at as the predetermined events of a life, whereas destiny is how the individual responds to fate, and what they make of their life. There is a mature attitude toward these things, which says that each person is entitled to their own fate, and no one can intervene or attempt to change, ameliorate or carry another’s fate for them. In fact, at the depths of the soul, we have agreed to experience the particular events and circumstances of our life before we incarnated, in order to learn particular lessons and virtues which we need for the evolution of our soul. No matter how powerful human love may be, it is from the perspective of a child’s love that one believes they can change or carry another’s fate. This human belief, however noble, will lead to imbalance and an entanglement with another that restricts the natural life force and flow of love, and limits one’s own fulfillment in life. This teaching may be summarized in one of the resolution sentences from Family Constellations: “Thank you for my life. The rest is up to me.”

If you are interested in learning more, please look at the "Resources" page for recommended books, articles and interviews, or consider attending a seminar.